So here I am. 2013, and my band, which had been a near full time job for 8 years at least, was just over. No more evening practices 3-4 nights a week, no more traveling, no more shows. Just quiet. There were many moments of searching, and there still are. There’s part of me that’s still in that band, with my brothers. In an alternate universe somewhere none of the label disaster happened, our songs actually hit radio, were decent hits, and allowed us to make records 2, 3, and 4. In this universe the economy didn’t collapse right after we signed our record deal. In this universe we saw the world. We got to tour every continent. We got to meet amazing people. We sold records and made a decent living. We weren’t the biggest band, we didn’t make millions, but we got to live out our dreams.
The problem with that universe though, is that it isn’t this one. In our universe we were able to experience heartbreak. We were able to live through disappointment. We were able to struggle. We were able to disappear from the public eye, when we didn’t want to. We were able to create art that we knew would probably never be discovered. We were able to suffer.
There are tales of Tibetan Monks who pray for suffering. I don’t think I go that far, but now am able to see how suffering brings a depth and richness to life. We were also able to recognize the true depth of the suffering of others without undermining our own suffering. We were able to generate empathy for those around us. We were able to develop the courage to overcome our egos. We were able to love and appreciate those around us better, because we had nothing to give back to them other than love and appreciation. We gained perspective. The end of the Undeserving was not the end of our lives, or even our musical careers. It was the catapult for us to make better, richer, deeper, and more meaningful art. It allowed me to love my family and friends with a greater understanding. It allowed me to see every moment as a gift. And a beautiful, wonderful, mysterious gift it is.
You see, now my dreams have changed. I’m still chasing a dollar, trying to figure out how to pay for the next single, and trying to decide what to do with the songs I’ve been writing the last 4 years. But my heart and dreams are here, in this little house in the country with my beautiful wife and 2 boys. It’s in the toys that clutter the play room that used to be my music room. It’s in my out of tune pianos and guitars on the wall. It’s in the land my house sits on. It’s in my overgrown garden. It’s in my backyard race track. It’s in my friends and extended family. It’s in my church. It’s in the trees, the grass, the sky, the seasons, and the stars above. It’s here. What happened to us was not some cruel trick played by the universe, it was just life. And I am so thankful for every second of it, and wouldn’t change a thing. This is just the beginning.
If you want to keep up with what we’ve been doing you can follow us on our websites:
As for The Undeserving, there’s still a few lost tunes floating around. Anyone wanna hear them?