It’s been nearly 10 months since we released “Lights in the Sky”, and roughly 2 years since I wrote it. I had recently read a book called “Why the Universe is the way it is” by Hugh Ross, and had been deeply diving into studying the vastness of the universe, and about how remarkable our galaxy, solar system, and planet had to be to support intelligent life. I was deeply moved, and the line “Everyone was made to feel”, wouldn’t get out of my head. So I went into the choir room of the church I was working at, sat down at this old upright piano, and I found the song. Start to finish I spent probably 15 minutes writing it, constantly moved by the lines that seemed to be writing themselves.
Much has changed since that day two years ago. Most of my closest friends have moved to Nashville, I changed jobs several times, my children have gotten older, but most of all my personal faith has gone through a transformation. “Lights in the Sky” was the first step down a path that I now can’t get off, one hopefully towards enlightenment. But to start this journey I had to find the courage to ask questions. The big ones. I don’t need to list them for you. I had to put my entire belief system, top to bottom, through the ringer. It’s still a process, one that will hopefully never end. There have been beautiful moments where I felt like I had experienced the presence of God first hand, and others where I’ve felt the like the weight of the world was weighing down on me. Moments where I’ve felt so small and insignificant, and other moments where I’ve found solace and courage in that insignificance. Moments where I didn’t even know how to approach this thing we call God, and moments where I found it in the generosity of those around me, or the laugh of my child. What I do know is that I’ve still got a long way to go.
What I can tell you is that two years later I’ve come back to “Lights” and it once again feels like home. I found out that to be on the journey towards truth you must already be in possession of some. I found that most of my questions became much easier to answer when I realized that science and theology were the same thing: the study of the story of God. Most of all I’ve learned that love is a mysterious gift. One that I can’t grasp or understand, but that I don’t need to understand it to dwell in it. Richard Rohr talks about this idea that we often think of the incarnation as something that happened 2000 years ago in the middle east in a man named Jesus. But that was the 2nd incarnation. The first happened in a speck of energy, where everything that ever would be existed as one. The singularity. Where God became matter, energy, space, and time in the very first act of love: a masterfully designed and complex and terrifying and mind boggling and overwhelmingly beautiful creation. 14 billion years later we are here, together as humanity trying to figure it all out. We are all made of the same star stuff, we are the eyes of the universe observing itself. So now I don’t really know what love is, or how to describe it, but I do know I’ve sensed it, and experienced it, and I know that it seems to be the fuel of the universe, a divine energy sustaining all, and everyone was made to feel it.
Peace and love,